If you are a romantic like me, you know exactly what I mean. As hard as you try, you just can’t help it. For most, being a romantic is not a choice. That’s just how you are. It’s how you are put together. It’s part of what makes you, you. There’s nothing wrong with being a romantic. But there’s definitely a struggle that tags along with it.
I’ve recently been reminded of how much of a romantic I really am. I always try and play hard-ball and act tough, but I know deep down that I’m a romantic – and I’m proud of it! But this one particular circumstance I found myself in a situation that made me feel not so great about my romantic tendencies.
I met up with this guy that is in a band (yes you would know this band but I’m not going to say it just in case he or someone he knows were to come across this) and he is adorable and nice and I’ve met up with him before when he was in town but that time we did nothing but talk a little bit behind the noise of loud music. This time was different. I stayed with him until the end of the night, even missed most of the band that I came for in the first place and watched him meet tons of girls and talk to tons of people. Then he sat in my friends car with me in the back with him and my friend in the front. I had clearly been drinking. I wasn’t unaware of what was happening but I wasn’t thinking about how I would feel the next day. Nothing really happened. He held me and my hands and touched me in intimate ways but I didn’t let it go further than that. Afterwards, he walked back up to his hotel, we drove home and that was that.
I woke up the next morning and I didn’t like the way I felt. Not because of something I did but because of what my sweet soul wished would have happened. I also felt like he had done that before with many other girls (he might not have but it’s how I felt) and I’m not one of those pathetic girls that follows bands around and I don’t ever want to be characterized as such. I didn’t expect for him to want to be anything more but my heart & soul craves more than physical touch. I crave deep conversations. I want to know everything about people, especially the ones I choose to be physical with. Even if it’s just holding hands. I’m not the kind of girl that lets you be in my life, even if just for a night and then not ever think of you again. I romanticise everything from the way you say hello to the way you walk away. I don’t even have feelings for this guy but it’s just the fact that I could have gained feelings for him and him for me. If you want me, I want you to want to know all of me and I want to know all of you. I’m sure this guys heart is so beautiful and wonderful but I didn’t get to see it and he didn’t want to see mine. And it made me sad, not just for me, but for him, too.
Being a romantic can make you over-think and over-analyze everything about someone or something. But we need people like us. We love hard. Our love is special because we make it special. I’m happy to be a romantic. I hope you are, too.